What a fucking waste of an outfit
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
