You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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