I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
