a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
