I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
