I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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