Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
