I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
