I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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