saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
