Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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