if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is Oprah even human
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
