If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
