Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
