I'm so fucking centered right now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
