How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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