My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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