im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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