I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
