So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
