Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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