I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
