I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
