No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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