Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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