I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the liver wants what the liver wants
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There are leaves in my underwear?
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