this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
