youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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