did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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