Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we should paint friendship bongs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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