what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
