I just pynch a tree in the face
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
