im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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