Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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