i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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