Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
