I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
