She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
