you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
