I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
