I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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