"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
