worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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