i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
