Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
