a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
