D3 body, D1 cock
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Are my feet made of real feet?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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