do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
