I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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