who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
