If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
