so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
