i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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