biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
